I began hand-stitching around the age of 7 or so, I can’t exactly remember, though I grew up watching my mom and grandmother sew. They would sit around the tiny dining room table amongst the record player, scads of records, and of course, the encyclopedia of sewing collection. The bookshelves were white faux plastic bamboo and wallpaper depicted bamboo stalks. The projects my mother and grandmother worked on started with fabric and ended up becoming something magical. Through my young eyes I watched (and often interrupted) their sewing session turn out numerous outfits for both adults and children, and craft products for the upcoming bazaars and craft shows. It was around the age of 7 that I was handed a needle, thread, dull scissors, and fabric scraps. As an adult, I now see that this was to keep me occupied and out of their sewing room! 🙂 Little did they know that one day this ‘trick’ would be the way I moved out of depression
Little did they know that one day this ‘trick’ would one day be the way the Lord used to buy groceries for my children and also move me out of a stage of depression.
Depression of a Mother In 2001 I was a (very) young married women with 5 daughters! Through their young years, I would make pillows, curtains, and matching outfits. My family would even pay me to make OOAK (one of a kind) home decor items for them all the while attending college and raising my young family. Up until November 2001, I would fill my days with children, college, and sewing. It was then that I tasted depression, that bitter unending weight of sadness that could not be removed.
That horrible day seemed like a nightmare that I could not wake-up from, the blurred vision of my lifeless toddlers body laying in my arms as the muffled voices of the doctors and nurses saying things like, “we are so sorry, we tried everything.” That day, November 26, 2001, was the day my youngest, Hannah Grace Fish, was called ‘home’ to be with the Lord. Hannah was 14 months old and was in good health until around her 1st birthday when it appeared she began fighting off what was misdiagnosed, as URI (upper respiratory infection). It wasn’t until her autopsy that it was discovered she had the pneumonia virus and that it ultimately caused her to pass- away from Myocarditis.
I remember fighting to make it through every breathing second of every day for three years. The sadness was not fading and it caused me to reach outside of myself and to find joy. I began homeschooling my four daughters, attended a Christain Women’s Group, and basically jumped in head first into every opportunity our church offered just so I could make myself get out of bed.
Though I accepted Christ as my personal savior at the age of five, this untimely and sudden death made me realize I was still human and was not above any other person in this world that was going through the same thing. One day while researching the internet I stumbled upon (now I see this as the Lords doing) a primitive crafters group and ‘BOOM’! my hands began sewing again! Though I miss my sweet Hannah every day, I can see how the Lord has healed my brokenness and no longer cry out of despair. My depression was healed and I no longer have to fight, the Lord fought for me!