Sudden Grief and The Invisible Brick Wall
I really debated (with myself) all day long as to whether or not I should blog about what happened to me today. Well, as you can see, I decided that it might just be helpful to another grieving mom to know that she is not alone in this journey.
Today is Sunday, November 25, 2018, and I woke-up doing just fine. Then, just out of nowhere came that ‘invisible brick wall”, that darn thing just pop-ups out of nowhere! So to share with you exactly what happened, here ya go!
Walking down the hall to my bedroom I felt an overwhelming and crushing sense of grief and then it came flooding back to me…that dreadful day 17 years..this exact day! I could smell the hospital, hear the slight breathing of my sleeping toddler laying on my chest and the heaviness in my arms as had to lay her on the bed for life flight to take her to Akron Children’s Hospital. It truly felt as if I was reliving this moment! So weird for me!!
I WANT TO SCREAM!
It’s been years since I’ve felt this deepness of grief! Don’t get me wrong, I feel sorrow throughout the year with the normal milestones of life and celebrations…but NOTHING like I’ve been dealing with today!
I take very special care of what type of movies I watch, music I listen to and even company I keep so I can say that today’s issues had nothing to do with anything external.
John 14:18 King James Version (KJV)
I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
THEN IT HIT ME!
As I was in the kitchen cooking, and fighting back the tears I had a random thought…random powerful thought, “Why, for this moment, can’t I disconnect my mind from my heart”. But then, why would I?
Digging My Heels In!
I will not waver in my faith; the Lord has been good to me. Today is just a day for additional spiritual growth for me. I’m very aware of how moments like this (the revisiting of my daughters’ death) and how the Lord uses these moments for growing me. I still ask for prayer, I mean, really I am human and still have to deal with the world around me. Plus, we were all made for relationships and to support one another. During times like this, I make extra time for myself, away from my family whether it’s reading, sewing, or just typing on my blog.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
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