Tag: child loss

Moving Forward After Loss: Learn a New Hobby

Moving Forward After Loss: Learn a New Hobby

After my daughters’ death, I found myself searching for ways to create a new ‘normal’ for myself and my family. This did not happen quickly and if memory serves me correctly, it took about three years. During those three years, I finished my college education, moved to a new home, separated from my husband, and then crashed! Seriously, for the first time in my life, I actually felt as if I had crashed into an invisible wall and there was no way around it.

Hobby-Time

I don’t think I set out to find a new hobby out of boredom, I believe it was to make me feel alive again and it ended up being one of the things that pulled me out of my ‘funk’. I’m going to share with you why learning a new hobby could be the one thing you need to implement in your life as you  “walk through the valley of the shadow of death.”

5 Reasons a Hobby After Loss Is Good for You

  1. Learning a new hobby takes time and often forces you to leave your house and meet new people. Often times it can take experimenting with a variety of hobbies before finding one that suits you perfectly. During this time be sure to give yourself permission to enjoy life again.
  2. Learning a new hobby at any age, especially after the loss of a loved one, can give you the opportunity to learn more about yourself that you may not have known before this event.
  3. Learning a new hobby can be the one thing that connects you with others who may be going through an earlier stage in the grieving process, ultimately giving you the option to help them through their time of sorrow while helping yourself.
  4. Learning a new hobby takes time, as I mentioned earlier, and this means you have less time to spend alone. I know first hand that the evenings and times I was alone were among the most difficult to bear. Having a new hobby gave me the opportunity to take my mind off Hannah while helping me feel like I could breathe again.
  5. Learning a new hobby can be good for your overall health; physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Among my new found hobbies were bi-weekly mom’s groups at my church, offering me the opportunity to come up with table favors to give to the other mother’s who were joining us for a few hours of encouragement and inspiration.

This blog is written from my personal story and should never take the place of medical or legal care. Please remember to see your doctor for their advice. I hope you took a moment to join my newsletter and receive your free pdf bible verse and journal.

Take Good Care!

Stephanie Grams

 

Memory Bears made from your favorite clothing made right here in Beaufort, South Carolina. My Sewing Needle is owned and operated solely by Stephanie Grams. Grams has been sewing since her grandma and mother taught her at the age of seven, and hasn’t put the sewing needle down since! You can find Grams selling her OOAK primitive dolls and offering memory bear sewing services year round! Visit Stephanie’s contact page for media inquiries and/or to place an order for a memory bear!

5 New Things I Do As A Bereaved Mother

#mysewingneedle #bereavedmom

5 New Things I Do As A Bereaved Mother

 

The day my toddler daughter, Hannah Grace, passed away I went from being titled “the mom of the five daughters” to “the mom with 4 daughters and a dead baby”; the bereaved mother in town. I was encompassed with grief and strange emotions and add to that, I had to figure out a new way of life. This led me to write this post about the new things I do as a bereaved mother and why I do these new things. Grief has been a journey that brought me to a fork in the road…either be better or be bitter.

With the Lord’s help, I beat bitterness and became better. My hope through this blog is to help you through your journey.

Bereaved Mom Moments

  1. Look up her diagnosis regularly online to see if there has been any new research or medical breakthrough in the illness that took her life. This typically starts with me pulling out her death certificate and reading over her autopsy reports, from there I go online and began to research any new information on the virus and any related causes that could have come out of new research.
  2. Look at pennies and dimes as if she were the one that placed them there, interestingly enough, those two coins show up out of nowhere when I’m having an extra rough day. The evening that Hannah was dying, the two of us spent 12 hours in the local emergency room alone in a backroom just being together. This would end up being the most important 12 hours of my life, those hours would shape everything in my world in a new way. About a month after Hannah passed away I found myself back in the same emergency room with my oldest daughter who had a flurry of seizures (she is an epileptic) the emergency room secretary brought me a penny placed inside an angel jewelry box. She proceeded to tell me that she was working the night that Hannah was pronounced dead, she said that she immediately broke down and as she returned to her computer, there, sitting on the edge of the printer was a penny. She said she was the only worker in that computer station and there was no penny before Hannah passed away. That’s when I was introduced to “pennies from heaven.” Regardless of whether you believe in this or not, the fact is that it’s kind of strange that pennies and dimes (I’ll tell you about those later) just appear out of nowhere and in places that they were not just minutes before.
  3. Hord her pictures, as in, not wanting my other four daughters to touch them. This sounds terrible but I just can’t replace the few photographs of Hannah that I have.
  4. Scrubbing and decorating her tombstone when I get the chance to visit the cemetery she is buried in. I never gave any thought about tombstones and keeping them clean and how the act of doing this would cause me to be engulfed with mixed emotions such as sadness, questions, comfort, and celebration. Weird, right? Especially celebration because on the surface we are taught that there should be no celebration of any sort when it comes to death. Well, as a born-again Christian I have to look past the physical and see the spiritual and that causes me to celebrate the fact that Hannah is no longer ill or in pain, and that she is in Heaven with my Lord and Savior celebrating what real life is all about, and for that truth, I can celebrate through my temporary, earthly pain.
  5. Breaking down in tears over nothing at random times on any given day. Honestly, I’ve analyzed these bouts and can’t pin down any reason why I have them since most of the time they happen at random without any thought as to what I’m doing, who I’m with or how I feel. It’s an odd happening that I have come to respect and view as perhaps, my hearts longing to hold her again. Regardless, I take those moments and hide away from the world and have a heart to heart conversation with the Lord on how thankful I am for His gift of salvation and for giving me the gift of Hannah.

It’s been 17 years since Hannah passed away and I often catch myself thinking that these habits should have disappeared by now, then I’m reminded that in my heart, Hannah hasn’t been gone all that long and I should give myself permission to feel what I need to feel and continue the journey of healing.

Did you know that healing isn’t forgetting, in fact, healing allows you to embrace everything new in life while having a healthy view on the time you had with your loved one. I think this is a personal point of view and my hope for you is that you can find your new “new” each day you journey through life, taking time to remember the good times and allowing those moments to take over any grief you might be feeling. Do I believe that time heals? My answer to this question is simply this, “time gives us the opportunity to embrace what’s happened and learn how to move forward in our life while taking the good memories with us on this journey.”

One of my favorite verses has been Psalm 30:1-3

30 I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up
    and have not let my foes rejoice over me.
Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
    and you have healed me.
Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol;
    you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.[a]

 

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Stephanie Grams, Christian Blogger Mom on topics of lifestyle, bereavement, child loss and healing, and how to give gifts of encouragement during life’s storms. Stephanie is available for podcast and video interviews, public speaking, and guest blogging. Grief has been a journey that brought me to a fork in the road…either be better or be bitter. With the Lord’s help, I beat bitterness and became better. My hope through this blog is to help you through your journey.  Did you get your free pdf journal? It’s free when you join my newsletter! #mysewingneedle

 

Memory Bears made from your favorite clothing made right here in Beaufort, South Carolina. My Sewing Needle is owned and operated solely by Stephanie Grams. Grams has been sewing since her grandma and mother taught her at the age of seven, and hasn’t put the sewing needle down since! You can find Grams selling her OOAK primitive dolls and offering memory bear sewing services year round! Visit Stephanie’s contact page for media inquiries and/or to place an order for a memory bear!